


The Claws In Your Chest

by princey_pie



Series: Soulmate August Series [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Snacks & Snack Food, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 13:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princey_pie/pseuds/princey_pie
Summary: Logan has been piling on emotional issues for years until they're about to crash down on him like a tidal wave.Day 6: You can feel what your soulmate is feeling (and vice versa).





	The Claws In Your Chest

To most people, Logan seemed cold, distant and almost robotic. The same people looked at his soulmate and couldn't believe that Patton really was his destinated match. And while it was rude to voice their disbelief, many did so regardless and even more doubted fate in silence. Logan still noticed.

Logan didn't care, he told himself, he was secure in his place in their relationship. He didn't need the validation of strangers to love Patton. He didn't need it from their friends or Patton's family either. He didn't dare to think what his own family would have said if he ever had bothered to introduce them.

The ever surprised looks and the steady stream "well looks like opposites do attract" didn't sting at all. Because Logan didn't care, he really didn't.

The comment of the barista this morning didn't cause an ache in his heart. The furrowing eyebrows of the lady packing their groceries didn't immediately evaporate the butterflies of Patton kissing him on the cheek. He didn't want to deck the mailman who asked him every time they ran into each other if they were "still together yet". He didn't want to scream every time Patton's old friends from high school called and cautiously asked: "if things were alright with him and his boyfriend."

That was what he was to all the others, a boyfriend, a temporary thing, never Patton's soulmate. The only one who called him that was Patton himself. And that should be the only thing that mattered and Logan hated that it didn't.

And the issue hung like a cloud over their head whenever they went out or had guests. Logan knew that Patton noticed, how could he not? He must be able to feel his anger, his sadness, everything that Logan claimed he didn't feel. And in turn, Logan felt his worry. And he hated himself even more that he forced all these negative feelings onto Patton.

They were in the car. Logan behind the steering wheel, Patton in the passenger's seat and two bags groceries in the back. He pulled into the driveway of their house, the symbol of their shared lives. They had moved here straight from college after Patzon's aunt died and left him a lot of money.

Patton opened the door as soon as the car came to a stand but hesitant to step out into the rain. He questions turned to Logan when he didn't kill the engine.

"I think we should take a break." Logan hadn't meant to say that. He didn't know what he expected when he opened his mouth. But at the sight of Patton's crumbling face and the way his heart cramped, he wished he could take the words and stuff them back down his throat.

"Lo, I don't understand-" Patton's eyes were filling with tears.

"None of us are happy anymore, I know you are not." His knuckles gripped tighter around the steering wheel, turning white.

"And I know that you're dealing with something. Been for a while now. I understand if you don't want to talk about it with me. But promise me that you will talk about it to someone." He looked like he wanted to say something else but shook his head as if changing his mind. "And if you're ready, I'm here."

Logan refused to look at Patton, he could feel the pain radiating from him like it was his own. And he caused it. He nodded, still not looking at Patton as he got out of the car.

Patton turned back to him, a sad smile on his face despite his tears. "Just a break, right? Just for a little while?"

Logan kept his eyes on the floor of the car as he leaned to the side and pulled the door shut. Something dark and ugly was clawing at his chest and he hoped that Patton was too distracted to notice.

He started driving, away from their home, aimlessly around the city. He could practically hear what Patton's friends and family would say, how they would gratulate him for realizing his mistake before it was too late, telling him that he would find someone better. Someone that would fit him. And they were right, Patton would find someone fantastic, someone worthy of him who could without a doubt be his better half.

Patton would be happy and Logan wouldn't stand in his way. He wouldn't force Patton to stay with him out of an obligation made by fate. Not because whatever deity assigned them together as a cruel joke. Not because of a mistake. 

It was still raining when Logan stopped on top of the bridge. Despite that, he turned the engine off and stepped out of the car. Immediately he was getting soaked as he slowly made his way to the edge and gripped the railing. He stared into the cold swirling water.

He could have stayed away but that wouldn't leave Patton free from their bond. He would still have to feel what Logan was feeling, no matter how hard he would try to not let anything leak through. Because as Patton always told him, Logan did feel things, no matter how inconvenient Logan thought these sensations were.

But there was a solution, after all, that's why he drove up to this bridge in the first place. All it would take would be a few steps and a little jump. Maybe it would even shut up the dark beast with claws that was still scratching at the inside of his chest. It would be easy, it-

There was a spot of color at the edge of his vision. Surprised Logan turned to see it located on the backseat of his car. The green that had caught his eye was the wrapping of Patton's favorite popcorn. They had forgotten to take out the groceries.

An image entered his mind. Patton, alone on their couch, crying without even some popcorn. Logan gritted his teeth and forced his legs to bring him back to the car. He wasn't capable of much but he could at least make sure that Patton had his favorite snack.

He drove to the house on autopilot, he didn't know why he felt so numb. Shouldn't there be a turmoil in his head? Even the beast was asleep, a heavy weight on his chest but nothing else. He grabbed the bags and rang the doorbell.

There was shuffling behind the wood, a lock clicked and then the door flew open. Just in time Logan caught Patton in his arms, sending the groceries to the floor.

"Lo, you're here!"

"I notic- I saw you forgot your popcorn and I-" a sob escaped him and he curled around Patton, holding him closer, his heart painfully beating against his ribcage. "And I couldn't- I couldn't-" He took a shaking breath, his voice reducing to a hoarse whisper. "I think I'm not okay, Patton. Maybe haven't been for a while."

Patton hugged him back just as tightly, as he was afraid Logan would disappear again as soon as he let go. "It's okay," Patton was crying again. "Maybe not right now but it will be, okay? Just let's get you inside, we'll work this out. Together, okay Lolo?"

And when Logan nodded this time, he really meant it.


End file.
